Feelings of sadness and disappointment come up as I look back on the end of this project. Partly because my schedule got out of control and so there was less time to spend on my last batch of pieces. The end of this project happened suddenly and I don’t feel like I was able to enjoy it. In fact, I’ve been hurrying to catch up on painting, photography, and this blog. But most of all, I am sad because this project is over; I really loved the process.
This process was a wonderful space to experiment and get messy. The structure I set up for this project helped me delve back into developing deeper pieces through considering style and technique elements, as well as translating daily experiences.
I continue to fight the urge to fix up some of these pieces, but an artist who has done this project previously, encouraged me to do what I can on a piece in one day and then let it be. In all honesty, some aspects of these pieces make me cringe and also fill me with affection for their weird attempt at something. This project was for me, first and foremost, a way to experiment with my painting process. I feel very vulnerable showing these because they’re new, different, and not all that wonderful, and because they represent 50 days of my life and all of the love, anger, optimism, and confusion that occurred within them. Maybe that’s why I feel affection for them even when they ended up odd because they’re a part of me and spark memories of those days and emotions.
During this project, I feel like I came to understand and own more of what my art was about. Let me preface by saying: I don’t think I ever told anyone what my art was about in college. I guess I was still figuring it out and didn’t want to admit where it came from and couldn’t find the words. My blog “Behind the Painting” series and these posts have managed to touch upon some of the ideas. I dislike telling people because it makes me uncomfortable and sounds corny as all get out, but here goes. I view my paintings as sympathetic; I process emotion and experiences in my paintings in hopes someone who needs it will relate and know they are not alone. I am not a people person, so it’s my attempt to connect with and insert compassion into the world because I struggle doing it directly. I want to end this blog series on this note because this process and days have taught me: My paintings are enough. I am enough. You are enough.
Above: All 50 paintings complete
Below: Paintings from July 16 to July 25